I’d never make it as a proper film critic.
Take ‘The Losers‘ for example, where a special forces unit in Bolivia find their air strike mission is going wrong. Trying to quickly salvage the operation, they go in all guns blazing and rescue a bunch of kids from being nuked. Dropping them off at the helicopter evacuation point, the squad give up their own seats to ensure the safe return of the rescued children. Moments later though, a mysterious voice over the radio calls in another air strike, this time on the helicopter and destroys it – instantly killing all the kids on board. The team realise they should have been in the chopper and that the second air strike was actually meant for them. They’re stranded in Bolivia, and everybody now thinks they too are dead…
Doesn’t sound too bad to start with, does it?
Well, the more you know about the plot of The Losers from there, the more ridiculously implausible it becomes. There are plot holes everywhere and you could easily watch it repeatedly saying “like THAT would happen”. Plus you just know the impossibly ludicrous bad guy would get his arse kicked by his right hand henchman if it were real life.
A proper movie reviewer would hate it.
But you know what? I didn’t. Perhaps it just exceeded my low expectations, but I actually quite enjoyed it. Ok, so not everything in the film worked, but let’s face it, The Losers doesn’t try to pretend to be anything other than a fun popcorn action flick and it easily achieves that. Not too long. Not too short. Watchable cast. Woman running and crawling around the floor in her undies in slow motion. You can’t argue with that.
Besides, The Losers is still bound to be better than The A-Team, right? Right..?