The same thing happened outside my house the last time I changed my socks.
It’s weird, you go flipping forever without seeing a film about people controlling/being controlled, but then you get Gamer the other week followed straight after by Surrogates – in which people stay at home all day controlling a better looking, robotic counterpart to go about their daily lives instead of living it for themselves. It’s a world where 99% of people walking the streets is now electronic, bionic and best of all – in soft focus. The female surrogates are all gorgeous, and the male surrogates, well they don’t mind wearing a dodgy looking toupee.
Funnily enough though, while the surrogates inhabiting this world are capable of giant leaps and superhuman feats, few seem to use this amazing capability. They just go about their daily lives as if it were completely normal living life through the eyes of a machine. Crime has also fallen to an all time low and ‘murder’ is unheard of (but oddly, ‘war’ isn’t…?!).
Anyhow, when surrogates and their human owners start turning up dead, it’s time for Bruce Willis to whip the dead raccoon off his bonce and start some good old fashioned investigating. Who on earth could possibly want to kill surrogates and their masters?
Well, that would be telling wouldn’t it.
Ok, it’s quite short, not overly taxing and it’s not the best film ever, but it is entertaining enough. The biggest flaw though is who would actually want to live life through a surrogate? I mean, not actually going out, never actually meeting people and never actually getting a good shag…
Oh, hang on, wait…
6.5/10.
Hey stop describing my life like that. But I think you may have missed the point with that last point. In the film they could experience everything through their surrogates as if it were real…including a good shag.
The point is that with a surrogate everyone is dead sexy so not only do you have a greater chance of getting a shag but everyone you do shag will be gorgeous…without the need for beer goggles. Plus with no worries about diseases and probably a more open view on playing away from home, as it is not your actual body, then I think the opportunities would be much greater.
So you get to stay at home…and increase your chances of shagging a super model. Sign me up.
Nah, I realise that. Bit of comic licence there. ;-)
No kids in the future then? Y’know, since there’s no actual boinking going on and all.
You changed your socks??? When?
Dear Mr D,
We have finished with your socks and you can collect them whenever is convenient.
Yours sincerely,
Dr. Seymour Butz,
Sellafield Nuclear re-processing centre,
Cumbria.
Dear Dr Butz,
Thank you for re-processing the items dispatched to you previously.
I have another shipment on its way to you. I have doubled the thickness of the protective concrete packaging as requested. I trust this is sufficient.
Yours sincerely,
Mr D
Dear Mr. D,
My colleague Mr Butz has asked me to contact you. I will keep this brief. Thank you for the warning of our incoming shipment. I have placed an exclusion zone around our facility of 1,000 square miles due to the highly toxic nature of the cargo. Judging by the amount of staining, we anticipate the half-life to be around 50 years, during which time your pants will be stored in our under-ground facility and then returned to you, sometime in 2059.
Thank you for choosing Magnox re-cycling facilities.
Prof. Willie Stroker.
Head of Uranium enrichment.
Magnox centre, Sellafield.