Oh dear.  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Now I’m tempted just to leave my review of Street Kings there, but I’ll try and at least squeeze out a few more words just to pad this out a bit:

Terrible. Painful. Reaaaaal bad. Horrendous. All shades of hideousness. They all work too.

Keanu Reeves is his usual self, Forest Whitaker sports a silly moustache, Hugh Laurie’s accent is distracting, the script is dire and it’s clichés galore.  How this didn’t go straight to DVD is beyond me.  If you don’t believe me about the script, just read some of the quotes aloud (particularly the ones from Captain Jack Wander) and you’ll see what I mean.

Altogether now: “This is my power. This is my crown. I’m the king of secrets, Tom.”

B*ll*cks.

2/10.