Percy gets a bit of splash back.

I was just asking for trouble by going to see a ridiculously titled film called Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.

First of all, the title just screams “Harry Potter rip-off”. Then there’s the “Lightning Thief” part, which let’s face it here – sounds a bit crap. But worst of all the main character is obviously called “Percy”, which just sounds comical, conjuring images of famous Percy’s gone before: Percy Sugden, Percy the Small Engine (of Thomas the Tank Engine fame) and a nickname you might give to your knob – “I’ve gotta go point Percy at the porcelain…”.

But anyway. The basic plot is that Percy discovers that he’s a demigod, son of Poseidon. There’s a bunch of Greek gods and when Zeus’ lightning bolt gets stolen, the Gods become angry and Percy is prime suspect for pinching the positive protons of power.

After watching Percy Jackson, it’s quite clear that it IS indeed a Harry Potter rip-off. Harry, Ron and Hermione and swapped out for Percy, Grover and Annabeth. Broomsticks are substituted for flying shoes, magic becomes special Godly powers, Hogwarts is “Camp Half Blood” etc. Heck, even the director is the same as the first two Harry Potter films.

On the plus side, some of the effects are quite good, but that’s where any good points about this film end.

The main problem with Percy Jackson is that the characters are all so two dimensional. For instance, Percy sees his mother ‘die’ early on in the film. He looked like he couldn’t have cared less. The dialogue is poor. Steve Coogan is badly cast as Hades. And all the while you can’t help but make comparisons in your head to Harry Potter “Oooh, there’s Pierce Brosnan… playing Dumbledore”. If it wasn’t all so blatant, perhaps it might’ve worked, but instead it just looks like a cheap knock-off.

Who’s looking forward to the next film in the series then? I hear Uranus has lost his ring.

3/10.

The phrase “two hours of my life I’ll never get back” has never been more appropriate, but to add insult to injury, the evening ended up costing me a bit more than usual…

You see at some point in my short excursion out, it seems I also mislaid my parking ticket. So instead of the usual two quid to get out of the car park at that time of night, my car was held for ransom until I paid for a full days parking charge – a whopping £21.

Highway robbery, eh. Not impressed. :-(

"What do you mean I should be back on Easter Island?"

Mel Gibson hasn’t been in a film for years. Apparently, back in 2002, he said “I think I’ll probably focus more on directing stuff and producing stuff and maybe just come out with something that’s really extraordinary and get in front of the camera.”

8 years later, Edge of Darkness is what lured him out of acting retirement. This should be something “really extraordinary” then.

Well. It should be.

…but it’s actually rather tedious. The trailer made Edge of Darkness look like a lively action/revenge/thriller. In reality, it’s a dreary conspiracy effort that starts off bleak, slowly nudges itself into melancholy and then slowly builds to a finale of downright depressing.

I dunno, perhaps it’s just me that doesn’t find dodgy dealings at a nuclear research company that enthraling. Or perhaps this type of film just ain’t my bag. Whatever, the plodding and somewhat predictable Edge of Darkness just didn’t do it for me.

5/10.

Anyway, stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of Blogalism folks, when our intrepid film reviewer manages to get robbed on the way home from seeing Percy Jackson…

And before you ask, no, it’s not a pair of old fashioned radioactive trousers.

Iridium Flare

Here’s the deal. There’s an enormous array of satellites flying around, high above Earth. In particular, I’m talking about the ‘Iridium’ network of communication satellites. Ever seen those clunky looking satellite phones with the big antennae on? Well Iridium satellites in low Earth orbit, just a few hundred miles above us allow those phones to function.

Anyway, there are around 60 or so satellites in their network, with a bunch of others in reserve just in case one of them does something stupid (like crashing into another satellite – whoops). The design of each Iridium satellite features two big solar panels and three highly reflective antennas. You can probably already see where this is going…

An Iridium Satellite

That’s right, as each satellite orbits the Earth, it will occasionally reflect bright sunlight from its antenna panels, causing a flare effect when viewed from a certain spot back on the ground. When the geometry is right, you see a rather brief, shiny phenomenon in the sky – undoubtedly mistaken for UFO sightings all over the world during the last two decades.

It’s actually all pretty logical when you think about it, and maybe it’s just me, but I still think that sounds kinda cool. With a bit of patience and dark enough surroundings, you can spot satellites as they drift over pretty easily, but I’ve never seen any making themselves quite this obvious. Fortunately, the boffins over at Heavens Above have worked out the path of each Iridium satellite and the relative position of the Sun and the Earth. If you pop your location in, you can pretty easily find exactly when and where you need to be standing in order to catch the best glimpse of an Iridium Flare.

They also appear to be pretty common, in fact, there’s one predicted this coming Sunday – very, very close to me indeed. I might just have to go have a looksy. Now if only I could work out which bloomin’ direction I need to be looking…

Birmingham.

Picture the scene. Somewhere in Hollywood. 2008-ish.

There’s a joint script meeting going on with Alcon Entertainment and Silver Pictures.

Big boss: “So guys, what have we got?”

Scriptwriter 1: “Well, I’ve got this great plot for a movie. There’s this guy, right, who kills people… with carrots…”
Big boss: “Stop, stop, stop, that already sounds crap. Who else has got something?”

Scriptwriter 2: “Well, there’s this guy, with a big blue dong…”
Big boss: “…woah, let’s stop that kinda talk right now.”

Scriptwriter 3: “How about Nicolas Cage as a…”
Big boss: “…dude, I’d rather hear the rest of the big blue dong pitch. Next!”

Scriptwriter 4: “Ok, well, I’ve got this idea…”
Big boss: “Go on…”
Scriptwriter 4: “Well, imagine a Mad Max type setting, and then imagine a Western sorta feel. Then cross the two.”
Big boss: “Dammit Scriptwriter 4, you might be on to something here Son, keep talking!”

<Big boss’s finger twitches impatiently>

Scriptwriter 4: “Well, the main character is a woman”
Big boss: “Nah, that’ll never work. Make it a man.”
Scriptwriter 4: “Uh, ok. So the main character is a man then. He’s this wise cracking tough guy who takes no crap. He’s trying to stop the bad guys from stealing nuclear weapons.”
Big boss: “Nah, that’s been done before. You’re losing me here. Fast. We need someone the American public can really relate to.”

<Big boss yawns>

Scriptwriter 4: “Ok, ok, ok, wait. He, err, he, ummm, kills people!”
Big boss: “Not bad! But only 50% of Americans will love that…”
Scriptwriter 4: “I know, he’s errr, a religious man!”
Big boss: “I like it! But again, only half our target audience will go for that…”
Scriptwriter 4: “Wait! Errr, I haven’t finished! He kills people and…he’s a bible basher!”
Big boss: “Brilliant!!”
Scriptwriter 4: “…and because he quotes the bible all the time, it’ll be ok that he kills people! Nobody will mind as he’s a righteous dude.”
Big boss: “Genius. One hundy percent of our audience will just love it!!”
Scriptwriter 4: “Thank you, thank you.”
Big boss: “So let’s sum this up. It’s a post-apocalyptic world, with a Western type feel. Our hero is basically a deluded Ray Comfort type, who’s trying to save a Bible and mankind from spending the rest of eternity eating one another and then scoffing roast cat for pudding. Only our hero kills people too. With guns. Not bananas. Oh, and Scriptwriter 4, make sure you give it a really implausible twist at the end.”
Scriptwriter 4: “No problem.”

<Big boss presses the button beneath his finger and a big green light bulb illuminates at the end of his desk>

And that folks, is the The Book of Eli.

It’s quite good visually and could’ve been so much more, but ultimately it’s just a bit crap.

5/10.

Are there any pies left that they won’t try and stick their finger into?

Tesco Value Movies - Bet they'll have Ricky Gervais and Ben Stiller in.