The man's a machine!

Cinema rule #34:
If a film has the word “Movie” in the title, it’s going to be bad.

There are exceptions to most rules of course – The Simpsons Movie and The Muppet Movie for instance. But if you were thinking Hannah Montana: The Movie or Epic Movie, well, GTFOOH. Go on. Out. Now.

Fortunately, The Inbetweeners Movie doesn’t fall under rule #34.

Jay, Will, Simon and Neil are off to Malia, getting away from their troubles and celebrating leaving Rudge Park Comprehensive school. Arriving at their hotel for the week, the lads find the owner fishing a dead dog out of the well and it soon becomes clear that their accommodation hasn’t won many AA stars. Still, the boys decide to make the most of it and go hit the local bars. It’s not long before they meet some ladies having a girly holiday and their prospects start to look up.

If you’re a fan of the TV series, you can basically expect an extended TV episode and on the whole, that works just fine. However, when The Inbetweeners Movie is crude, it’s very crude and when it’s funny, it’s very funny indeed. If you’re not a fan of this type of humour, don’t even bother, but if you’re happy to never to be able to look at wafer thin ham in the same way again – well, The Inbetweeners Movie is for you.

8/10.

Random fact: The Inbetweeners Movie was called “Sex on the Beach” in Germany.

Well, slightly.

Rubbing the distracting lens flare out with a bit of cheese won't work, Joe.

It’s 1979 and a young filmmaker and friends witness a catastrophic train crash whilst producing their amateur zombie flick. After investigating the burning wreckage, the group of children are warned by a survivor never to speak about what they’ve just witnessed. The US Air Force quickly turn up in great numbers to secure the area whilst the children flee undetected. It’s not long though before suspicious and mysterious events start occurring in the town. What was the train transporting? What on earth could’ve been on board that train that now wants to nom its way through the entire town of Lillian?

There can only be one answer. There’s a blimmin’ monster on the loose.

Being a JJ Abrams film, you’ll need to be prepared for a distracting over-use of lens flare (rant, rant, rant). You’d also be forgiven for thinking that Super 8 may be another Cloverfield, where you’ll end up rooting for the monster to just eat all the irritating main characters as quickly as possible, but you’d be wrong. Super 8 is let down by a cheesy ending, but otherwise it’s mighty enjoyable and has rather a lot going for it.

7.5/10.

Oooh, sccccchomebody schtop me...

Ok, I’m going to admit defeat. Captain America: The First Avenger is another film I saw ages ago. Eight months ago to be precise, so I’m probably at the point where I’m just going to have to blast through a whole bunch of film reviews just to catch up.

Captain America however is a tricky one. Y’see, I must admit that my mind was elsewhere whilst watching it – meaning my recollection of the finer plot details may leave a little to be desired. Was Captain America the fish finger guy, the dude with the mandolin or the eco-warrior who was intent on ridding the world of CFC’s and pollution? I’m pretty sure it was the latter.

That said, I do remember there being an experiment that turns a previously weedy guy into a total bad ass. Of course there was some obligatory Nazi’s, Hugo Weaving doing his best Jim Carrey / The Mask impression, explosions and more explosions. You know, typical action film fodder. Now I think about it, the save the planet message might have become a little lost towards the end. I don’t remember many fish fingers either.

So whilst it won’t trouble the Academy Awards panel, it was watchable.
Memorable? Mmmm, not so much.

6.5/10.

No, not the endless wait for the next out-of-date Blogalism post, I mean Harry Potter of course. Although my posts do come along about as frequently as horcruxes these days.

So after the disappointment that was part one, what’s the deal with the final installment – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2?

That never happened with my Paul Daniels magic set.

It’s difficult to say anything at all about the plot without giving away spoilers, but as you can guess, the hunt for horcruxes is drawing to a close and we’re ready for our final showdown with “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”. So that’ll be Voldemort then.

If you’ve not read the books, the big question is how many characters survive until the end of the film? Well, not everyone. Even Hogwarts itself is looking a little the worse for wear in the final scenes (don’t worry, nothing that wouldn’t buff out or be fixed with duct tape).

HPATDHP2 was actually rather blimmin’ enjoyable and by far the best Harry Potter film. It’s just a shame we had to sit through 7 other films first to really enjoy it.

Expelliarmus! 9/10.

So let’s finish the year with a very quick film review… Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

Shiny.

You know, Dark of the Moon which was at the cinema in July and came out on DVD over a month ago. Yes, THAT Transformers film.

On the downside, it…

• hasn’t got Megan Fox in it.
• goes on for blimmin’ AGES and AGES.
• borders on tedious.
• doesn’t bring much new to the series.

Still, it’s not all bad, as on the upside, it…

• hasn’t got Megan Fox in it.
• kept most of Hollywood’s CGI artists in work for a very long time.
• is (mildly) better than Revenge of the Fallen.
• is Michael Bay’s last Transformers film.

Dark of the Moon is probably about what you’d expect it to be: Loud, long, and ludicrous.

Boom!! 5.5/10.

Happy 2012 folks.