The main problem with Cloverfield is, well, it’s just a bit shit.


After the first 20 minutes of excruciating character building, it’s a welcome relief when a huge monster finally turns up to scoff everyone.

This particular discerning monster apparently likes to dine on generic, good looking twentysomethings, so our gang is in for trouble.  Even worse, all of our characters are also served with helpings of processed cheese making them irresistible to your average giant ravenous beast.

We’re only missing one ingredient – the disaster movie capital of the world.  Fortunately, all of our good looking twentysomethings all happen to live in… New York.  Bingo!  Now the recipe is complete and we’re all set for destruction.

Actually, no-one has destroyed New York since, err well, I Am Legend a couple of weeks ago.  Although there was that Godzilla dude too.  Ah yes, and some pesky aliens in Independence Day.  Hmm, and a big rock in Deep Impact.  Ok ok, and errr, Bruce Willis in Armageddon (or was it The Day After Tomorrow)?  Hey-ho, whatever.  Since it’s a legal requirement for every film to be set in New York these days it’s bound to get demolished now and again, eh.

Ho-hum. Neeeeeeexxxxt!


Comments on: "Cloverfield" (3)

  1. A bit shit?

    Understatement of the decade there.
    It’s bloody awful beyond belief.
    I rank it in my top 10 all time worst films.
    i’d sooner watch Solaris or Sunshine. Anf their mind numbingly shite.

  2. […] being made, with the original characters – but not the original cast and that JJ Abrams (*cough* Clovershit *cough*) was directing it… well you can’t blame some people for being a bit skeptical. […]

  3. In 2012, will New York be the first to be erased in the world map?

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