Oh no... what's going to happen to Eddie Murphy's career now? What? Beverley Hills Cop 4 you say?

But I must admit, I’m struggling to think what they might be.

Plot-wise, Shrek is a bit bored of doing the same thing day-in, day-out. He wants to go back to being a fearsome ogre. When he meets Rumpelstiltskin, Shrek gets talked into giving away a day of his life – in exchange for a day living as a proper scary ogre again. Only sly Rumpelstiltskin takes the day Shrek was born, meaning once Shrek’s scary ogre day is up, he’ll cease to exist.

It’s supposed to be the last Shrek film (not counting Puss in Boots), which ain’t a bad thing really as Shrek Forever After is a bit tired and weak to be honest. Watchable, but not hilarious. I also saw the 3D version, which was a bit crappy. Now I’m no cinema expert or anything, but my Blogalism top tip for all 3D film makers out there: If you’re going to make a 3D film, where your audience will all be sitting in the cinema, in the dark, wearing the equivalent of sunglasses – don’t set large chunks of your film at night. Don’t make lots of your characters dark green, or show them dressed in black, just to make everything even darker. You know, just sayin’, like.

6/10.

What’s that sound? Hmmm, oh dear yes, I see.

*Awooga, awoooooga!*

My patented Blogalism Automated Siren To Allieviate Reader Discomfort has gone off.

*AWOOGA, AWWWOOOOOGA!!*

Let me turn that warning off for you. *click*
There, that’s better.

Now, brace yourself and be warned: The following film contains Russell Brand.

Russell, I think you've misunderstood the whole car/penis extension thing.

I realise that I’ve just lost the attention of 99% of my readers, so it doesn’t really matter what I say from now on in this review, but if you are still here, I’ll continue.

In Get Him to the Greek, Russell Brand reprises his role of Aldous Snow from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Snow is a has-been rock star, looking to make his comeback and regain his popularity after his last album flopped and ruined his career. The record company decide to hold a concert to mark the anniversary of Snow’s highest career point, and one of their assistants (Jonah Hill) is tasked with making sure their biggest star arrives at the Greek theatre on time.

Except Aldous Snow is just a bit of an awkward bugger. He’s a non-stop party-going rock ‘n roller with a drink and drug problem and is also nigh on impossible to control. Will they “get him to the Greek” in time?

Meh, enough of that. Is Get Him to the Greek any good? Well, the first 30 minutes or so is bad. By which, I mean REALLY dire. Piddly-Diddly’s scenes as the big cheese of the record company are arse clenchingly unfunny. From there though, it could only ever improve and with the bar firmly just placed on the ground, any mildly amusing quip is welcome. To be fair, it does pick up in the final two thirds and there are a few genuinely funny lines and the odd memorable scene to be had.

But would I recommend it? Well, no, I can’t say I would.

5/10.

Take ‘The Losers‘ for example, where a special forces unit in Bolivia find their air strike mission is going wrong. Trying to quickly salvage the operation, they go in all guns blazing and rescue a bunch of kids from being nuked. Dropping them off at the helicopter evacuation point, the squad give up their own seats to ensure the safe return of the rescued children. Moments later though, a mysterious voice over the radio calls in another air strike, this time on the helicopter and destroys it – instantly killing all the kids on board. The team realise they should have been in the chopper and that the second air strike was actually meant for them. They’re stranded in Bolivia, and everybody now thinks they too are dead…

*dramatic music*

Doesn’t sound too bad to start with, does it?

Well, the more you know about the plot of The Losers from there, the more ridiculously implausible it becomes. There are plot holes everywhere and you could easily watch it repeatedly saying “like THAT would happen”. Plus you just know the impossibly ludicrous bad guy would get his arse kicked by his right hand henchman if it were real life.

A proper movie reviewer would hate it.

James Caan leads a crack commando unit. Framed for a crime they didn't commit.

But you know what? I didn’t. Perhaps it just exceeded my low expectations, but I actually quite enjoyed it. Ok, so not everything in the film worked, but let’s face it, The Losers doesn’t try to pretend to be anything other than a fun popcorn action flick and it easily achieves that. Not too long. Not too short. Watchable cast. Woman running and crawling around the floor in her undies in slow motion. You can’t argue with that.

Besides, The Losers is still bound to be better than The A-Team, right? Right..?

7/10.

Robin of the Hood. West Side. Blood.

Altogether now…

“Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the Glen.
Robin Hood, Robin Hood, with his band of men…”

Hmmm, OK so Ridley Scott’s version of Robin Hood isn’t exactly your typical rob from the rich and give to the poor affair. In fact, it’s how Robert of Locksley becomes Robin Hood, so it ends up being more like A Knight’s Tale meets Gladiator. Granted, both of those are great films, but I wouldn’t say this version of Robin Hood is quite as good as you might imagine from that description.

For starters, it’s too long, too slow, has Russell Crowe (and Cate Blanchett for that matter who I’m not a fan of either) and all manor of similarly beardy characters who will all merge into one big mess of facial hair if you let your mind wander too much. Cate Blanchett doesn’t have a beard though in case you’re wondering.

Then there’s Russell Crowe’s accent. What was that exactly? Scottish? Irish? Northern? Welsh? Other? It seemed to change nearly every scene. If he’d just stuck to Australian it would’ve been strange at first, but at least everyone would’ve become used to it and it wouldn’t have been an issue for long. But I found him changing it randomly throughout was most distracting!

All that said, Robin Hood was still a lot better than I was expecting it would be and there were a few unexpected chuckles. So it’s not all bad.

6/10.

Must be some kind of... 'Hot Tub Time Machine'.

What could go wrong with a film called “Hot Tub Time Machine“?

I mean, hot tubs and time machines. That sounds like a winning formula to me. Ok admittedly the trailer wasn’t very good, but still, hot tubs and time machines! Plus it looked like it probably had boobies in it…

Speaking of which, John Cusack was in it. Not very many other famous faces though, with two blokes I’ve never heard of along with the dude from Sex Drive. As you can imagine, the plot isn’t complicated. The group go to a ski resort for a much needed break. Soon bored out of their brains though, they have a bit of a male bonding session and get drunk in the hot tub. But after a bizarre accident, the group wake up in 1986. Are they mad? In a coma? Or back in time?

Meh. I wanted to enjoy Hot Tub Time Machine, really I did. And to be fair, it did have some boobies. So it wasn’t totally bad, but besides the cringeworthy bet forfeit scene, it’s mostly pretty crap and should’ve gone straight-to-DVD. In short: a few smiles but no roffles.

5/10.