Rude Awakening
Picture the scene… it’s 6am, everythings quiet and I’m fast asleep. I suddenly wake up. I can hear a noise coming from the lounge.
*clonk* *thud* *thock* *clunk*
Yikes! What the fook is that?! It must be burglars!! The bar stewards are trying to half-inch my server. Either that, or they are trying to nick my 30 year old telly.
Now most people that know me, will know that I’m not ‘at my best’ first thing in the morning (or any time before midday actually), and that I tend to do very dim things before I’m awake. Anyway…
Completely starkers, I jump out of bed and fling open the bedroom door ready to give the ruffians a damn good beating. The fact that I was totally unarmed and totally nekkid didn’t occur to me at the time. Ooops.
So, imagine my surprise then, to find a big black bird flying towards me in a Hitchcock “The Birds” style. If you’ve seen Mission Impossible 2 and remember the awful cringeworthy scene with the slow motion dove flying towards the camera - you won’t be far off what I saw heading towards me.
Fortunately however, I managed to lead the poor bugger to the outside world before it pooed *all* over the place. You know that’s not quite what I meant about waking up with a strange bird.
Oh, and yes I know… ‘the early bird catches the worm’ phrase has never seemed more appropriate…
