There are at least two dozen polar bears in The Golden Compass, and not one Fox’s Glacier Mint. I’m sure you’ll agree - that is a pretty big plot hole in anyones book.
The Golden Compass is visually stunning, I’ll give it that. But if yer like me and haven’t read the book, it’s also a bit like an episode of Lost - as by the time the end credits roll you’ll be left with more questions than answers.
Why does Lyra decide to go off on holiday with Mrs Coulter, who is basically a total stranger to her? Why is the golden compass, which is supposedly of the “utmost importance” to the universe given to an 11 year old? How does Lyra suddenly master the compass anyway? Was it my imagination that it was all just a bit too loud, or was that just the effect of the new batteries in my old codgers ear trumpet?
Those questions aside, it is a pretty decent flick (complete with a bonus hot witch) that is set in a stunning world (that even has it’s own Gherkin!). So ignore the insecure weirdo religious boycotters and give it a watch. At least then you might be able to explain the stuff above to me.
8/10.
(Nice to see the Dartster doing a review too! So go read it… go… go now…)
If you were a hitman/woman, would you wear a conspicuous bright red tie when you were trying to blend into a crowd? Would you walk around town sporting a really obvious tattoo on your shiny baldy heeed?
Nope, me either, but apparently that’s the key to being a great assassin. Just shave your noggin and paint a bullseye on it, then dress like you’ve accidently collected Tony Blair’s dry cleaning. Only then are you ready to open your can of deadly whoop-ass.
Throw in some generic bad guy fodder, add a forgettable shaky “plot” and some dodgy Russian accents and you’ve pretty much got the gist of Hitman.
Anyway, you can probably already guess that Hitman isn’t good. Let’s face it - any movie based on a video game never has a very great start in life does it? True, we’re not talking Street Fighter quality here, but Mr 47 is no Bourne either.
5.5/10.
When I went to E-Commerce Expo 2007 earlier this year, there were a few people running around taking pictures of the event. Whenever I saw a camera pop up, I made sure I ducked behind someone or stepped out of view. There was no way I was going to be papped. No way Pedro.
Unfortunately, I seem to still have been snapped! Doh!
So can you spot me?
I saw American Gangster the other week and I’ve been meaning to post something about it for a week or two now. But for some reason that I can’t quite put my finger on, I just seem to have found something better to do instead.
My sock draw is now fully organised by the size of the hole in each sock. My entire CD collection is ordered by shininess and I’ve indexed and cross referenced my porn library using the Dewey Decimal Classification system.
But now it’s time to bite the bullet. I know I just can’t put it off any longer. American Gangster…
Ok yes, it’s an interesting flick. It’s based on a true story about the rise and fall of drug baron Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington) and Richie Roberts’ (Russell Crowe) efforts to bring him down. The whole thing is set over a seven year period, but man alive it feels like it too. If the film were a good hour shorter, I might loved it. Unfortunately, my takeaway memory is that is just seemed to drag on and on.
Basically, I’d be surprised if American Gangster isn’t nominated for an Oscar. I’m not saying that because it’s a fantastic film, but as it more than fulfils that Academy Award requirement of having at least a 6 hour run time, it’s bound to get at least a nod of some description.
Next…!
7.5/10.
