Gary with his dodgy beard from Team America and Marky Mark Wahlberg in Shooter. Separated at birth?
The basic plot is that Bob Lee Swagger loves his country. He is a bit of a dick though and has flashbacks about his past at most inappropriate moments. Sarah however is right pussy who is still grieving for her fiance who was killed by terrorists in Durkadurkastan. The bad guy, Colonel Johnson Il, is a huge asshole as he likes to kill lots of people. Fortunately, dicks like to fuc… errr wait a cotton pickin’ minute, this sounds remarkably like another film..?
Ok, so it’s got a few movie cliches in. It’s got an awful lot of guns in too (where exactly does he get them all from?). But it’s still a reasonably enjoyable gory action flick. Even if I could barely understand anything Danny Glover said.
7/10.
I wasn’t exactly gripped by the trailer for 300. Sure, it *looked* good, but I had a hunch that it would be possibly turn out to be the most cinematically stunning, yet boring arty and historical film ever…
Fortunately, it wasn’t the history lesson that I thought it might be. 300 is indeed stunning to look at, the plot isn’t exactly rocket science and it was even quite amusing in places - although that was mostly unintentional.
The gist of the plot actually is that a well hard Spartan leader gets word that a bunch of Persians are camping just down the road, all waiting to attack his lovely land of Sparta. He decides that isn’t good. So he oils up 300 of his boys, makes them wear some small pants, a cape and a shiny helmet and off they all toddle to go repeatedly plunge their spears into the bad guys.
After reading that above paragraph, you’d probably be quite surprised to hear that there are actually some gratuitous jubblies in it too.
Sure, it’s more than a little, err camp. Yes, it is gorgeous to look at. It might be not the bestest film ever, but it surprised me for not being what I expected - and that was a good thing.
Right, now let’s bring on the heterosexual p0rn…
7.5/10.
