All the way through this movie, I couldn’t help but think that:
1. Tom Cruise runs like Forrest Gump.
2. Phillip Seymour Hoffman looks a tad like Boris Johnson if you squint.
3. Tom’s onscreen wife looks scarily like Katie Holmes.
4. Laurence Fishburne appears to have eaten the Matrix.
That aside…! On the whole, it’s quite an enjoyable film really. The action is quite cool (albeit unbelievable) and it twists and turns quite nicely. Downside is, there are also a few arse clenchingly cheesy moments dotted throughout. Oh, perrr-lease. Spare me.
7.5/10.
This post will self destruct in five seconds…
I had a flick through my email spam folder the other day. I had messages from:
“Hung Hutchins” - who was trying to sell me a new credit card, and…
“Preston Long” - wanted to increase my penis size.
“Kimberly Huggins” - thought she could increase my sperm count…
“Perseus Stagner” - was trying to flog me a variety of boner pills.
“Sexy Lady” - wanted me to boink her (but strangely only after I’d opened an .exe file…)
Ok, I’m getting a bit of a theme there. So ex-porn stars become spammers once their career is over then? Riiight.
Anyway, I’ve got things to do. I’m just about to sign up for a new credit card. Then I’m going to by a pile of Viagra with it and a possibly a ‘herbal length remedy’ or two. It’s no wonder ‘Sexy Lady’ is interested. She might be a skanky virus ridden ho’, but frankly, who could resist me with all my new purchases? She’s only human.
Thank god for those ex-porn star spammers. They’re showing me the way to a better life. Hurrah for spam.
Well I’ve finally had the 2mb cap lifted. Well sort of. For about 24 hours I managed 3mb downhill, with a trailing wind. Now it’s back to 2mb again. Oh well… at least SOMETHING is happening. Even if it is still a bit shit.
Anyway, I’ve been contacted by numerous ex-porn stars lately, so I think a change of career is possibly in order. More next time…
